Hello to everyone,
I know that I have not blogged in awhile, I am sorry for that. I have not felt like sharing my thoughts as of late due to I am afraid of what might spill out. It has not been an easy summer and I sure have not done anything spacial with my family. I want to share a video with you before I continue. Please take time and watch and then come back for some more.
American Dream - performed by Casting Crowns
Ok, I am stuck with the reality that the "American Dream" consumes most of us. My problem is that I do not feel that I want the dream life that is spoken of. I do want to live comfortably and have some things. But I do not desire a huge house or feel that I am unrealistic in my dreams for my family or myself. But I do work, at last count, 3 paid jobs and have very little time that I am ever off that I get to enjoy or do something that we just want to do. The reality is that i feel that I does not matter how much I work or even Amy works, we are still behind and left wondering how the world is surviving. I look around and see people that do not work that are "living off me as far as I am concerned", that are having fun and playing all the time. I WANT TO PLAY. I hope I am making since. As the song states, I am left empty at the end of the day, chasing the dream. I am tired of doing that!
I have also been struggling with my faith and feelings on the issue. I recently spent some time with a friend of mine that pointed out that I may be doing a disservice to Hunter and myself by not going to church. We talked for many an hour on the subject and I tried explaining how I felt, but never really got the impression that he understood my point. I will explain in short; I do have faith and Amy has a lot of faith. I can not speak for Hunter and do admit that I have wronged in his development of faith. I am a believer, but do not feel that you have to attend church to be a faithful person. Like I told my friend, I know several people that go to church, even sing in the praise band, that I do not believe live a Christan life. They are faith full in church and all nice a friendly. But then in the real world, they do not demonstrate a life that is the same and are mean and act like they do not know you cause you are not in there social group. So going to church does not mean that you are a Christan. I do understand that it is said in the bible that you must congregate with fellow Christians, but can't you do this without the politics of a church. I feel that I worship to the world by having a caring hand and showing friendship to all I can. I know that I have witnessed to many a patient in a way that I can not describe. So am I not a christian cause I don't go to church?
The fact is that I feel that time is a valuable thing that is going to waste. The world is spinning wildly out of control and we focus on the wrong things in life. The world is just to busy and to costly for us to live a comfortable lifestyle anymore without giving up or dreams. My dream is to be able to spend time with Amy and Hunter along with all the people that matter to me. I dream of there not being the nay sayers and the negative people who just bring the world down. My dream is to be able to work and purchase the essentials for living and be able to have a few fun things thrown in there somewhere. MY DREAM IS TO BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME.
So, as you can see, I am struggling a little with everything right now. I know I don't show it to those that see me out and about or even my family. I am sorry that I suppress so much that you don't even know about. But I feel that editing what you see and know is the only way to make you guys happy. Amy is always on me about why I am "happy" when out and around people, and not when I am at home. I always tell her that it is just a show and that I am really miserable. I have to admit that I am a people person and love to be around people, even when they make me unhappy. As most of you know, I love to volunteer my time away and do it way to much. But it makes me happy and I feel good when I do for whomever I am giving to. But I need to learn to say no and give more to myself which in turn will give more to my family. So I am going to try to make this change. I will be hard for me to do, but I feel it is necessary. I ask for your support and prayers as I make this effort to change. I even ask for you to out right tell me to stop if you see me doing something that I can eliminate. Now don't go to crazy, I can not stop working like I do right now, so don't even go there unless you have a million to loan me to invest and live off the interest. If you do, I will return it to you in 10-15 years and live the rest of my life off it. But that probably want happen, so I will keep working.
Now, Amy believes in a book see read recently called "The Secret". From what she has told me , it states that if you ask the universe for something or an answer for something, that it will give the thing to you or give you the answer. I have to interpret this in my mind as turning the decision or want over to God to answer. To me. " The Universe" is "God". But I do believe that with faith, the answers are given to us for life and even the common questions. The problem I have,and I believe the world has, is I am impatient and do it an my own. We need to learn to slow down and listen and be patient. I can give you an example of this that happened to me today. I was asked to purchase a new chainsaw by my parents. I have know we were going to need one for a while now and have been doing research. Well, when Mom told me to get one, I went back to my research yesterday and actually got myself so confused as to what I wanted, It was awful. I called several stores and read as much as I could on which of the brands I wanted. Well I had decided on a Husqavarna since there is a local dealership and service center, but I really wanted a Stihl based on research. Well, I went to dinner with a friend and co-worker last night and he overheard me talking with my brother about his opinion. He told me that his son was a Stihl dealer and would call him in the morning and see what price he could get me. I just said thanks and went on. Well, as I was laying there trying to go to sleep and thinking about the saws, I decided to let the universe decide which one I was supposed to get. I said that If the son called me and could save me a little money, I would take that as a sign that I was to get a Stihl. But if he did not call or it was trouble to get threw him, I would just go with the Husky. So this morning about 0820, he called me to find out what I wanted. he said he would call me later in the day and give me pricing. he called back within 10 minutes and said he had a minute, so he got the pricing for me and he was $100 cheaper than the dealership I had talked to. He set it up for me to pick up and it was done.
I would say that was a pretty clear sign. So "why can all things not work like that" is the question I came up with. Well my answer to you is, they all can if we will slow down and let the answers come instead of worrying or rushing. Now to teach myself that lesson and live by it.
As you can tell by now, I have been thinking a lot lately about everything. There is so much more that I want to tell you. But I think I will end this Blog and save some for another time.
For a quick update on what is up in my life:
1)My car is a big unknown right now since they have again moved my delivery date back to June 2009. They can not tell me why it moved in the wrong direction, but are supposed to be working on it.
2)If you have not visited the link for the pictures of the drum line. I urge you to go to it and see the completed (or almost completed) drum line that Hunter and I did over the summer. They look good and everyone seems to be happy at the school with them.
3)Band camp went well last week. I am glad it is done and they band seemed to be coming along good.
4)Amy has already started back at the school and Hunter starts on Thursday.
5)The Tractor Cruise is coming along, just not as fast as I want it to. I really wish we had more active members to help with some of it, but we will get it done.
6)SUMMER IS GONE FOR ANOTHER YEAR!
Thanks for reading and caring enough to read all my rant.
I leave you with another song to listen to that is inspiring to me. ENJOY.
Voice of Truth - Casting Crowns