Struggling to be the the man I was not for so long

Hello to everyone,

As most of you know, family life in our home has been and continues to be tested everyday. Amy, Hunter and I are trying to find that happiness that went missing along time ago. Amy is doing much better than I . Hunter is struggling with being a teenager and the decisions that he is making in his life. And I am facing the fact that I was missing from life altogether for some time now.

The song above is a Casting Crowns song that has spoke to me for a long time now, but I never admitted that I was struggling with finding myself. As I am attempting to make the changes in my life to make myself happy and in turn be able to give happiness to my family, friends and co-workers, I find that it is so easy to go back to the way of the past and the comfortable. It takes me thinking about every word that comes from my mouth and every action that I make. It is not just with Amy or Hunter that I have neglected to live and be present. As I have thought about things and looked at what Amy was pointing out to me, I have found that I can see way more that I have done or not done that disturbs me. I want to say to all that care for me that I am sorry that I was absent from life and want all of your support and help to make me be present. I can not fix years of damage overnight, but I will do all I can to make the changes and to keep them changed in the future.

I do want to warn all of you that part of that change is going to take control of this blog as being my way of talking to the world without compromise. I have edited myself many times for the sack of others that read this and not wanting to hurt or anger anyone. But he reason for a blog is to be able to share thoughts and activities without the fear of censorship. So this is my warning to all of you that I am going to write my feeling and thoughts as I wish to. I welcome your comments or questions, but expect you to honor that I have feelings that may hurt your feelings at times and wish for you to have an open mind with me or stop reading this. Thank you for your support, prayers and help.

I don't have much on the day to day to tell you about. Mostly because the daily activities are overshadowed by the thoughts and changes that are going on. Hunter got in trouble at school and elected for licks instead of OSCAR today and he has to miss the Homecoming pep rally today which is not good since he is the section leader for the drums. If any body has a cure for teenage hood, let me know. Kelly and I are working on the trailer that we hall the tractor on and making it easier and safer to use. He is on the way to Tractor Supply now to get a new coupler for ti so that when we get to welding the ramps (hopefully Monday) we can put it on also. We have both been concerned when hauling the tractor that it was going to come off because our coupler is so warn and loose. Of course tonight is homecoming at Winterboro. I am working the concession stand and Amy is going to take the night to sit in the stands with her friends and watch the activities of homecoming. She has really grown into loving her work at the school and she deserves to participate in Homecoming an not work for the band tonight. I hope to sleep most of tomorrow to change from day shift to night shift again and then be at work tomorrow night. Next week is going to be a crazy week with work and prep for the tractor cruise. I will keep you up to date as much as possible.

Till next time,

JEFF